Manners, respect were once taught by parents, schools
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By James M. Campbell, Sr.
For the Herald
Monday, April 28, 2008 2:01 PM CDT
During the 1930s and ‘40s, some business places gave away 36-inch wooden rulers, known as yardsticks. There were no retractable metal rulers like we have in homes today, making the yardstick widely used as a handy and reliable measuring tool.
Most yardsticks were imprinted with advertising on one side and the Golden Rule: “Do you unto others, as you would have others do onto you,” on the reverse side.
If everyone lived by that rule, the world would be a much better place for all of us to live in.
Children learn early in life what their limits are, especially when it comes to what mother will allow, that dad won’t allow and visa-versa. The trinity of the home, the church and the school formed a moral compass, wherein everyone worked together for the benefit of the child.
The church and the parents’ major responsibility was to teach good manners and that respect for others, comes through understanding and accepting others as they are, especially those whom we think are not as good and pure as we might think we are.
The school’s responsibility was to teach the necessary skills and knowledge to prepare the child for life in the world of tomorrow.
The strongest drug in school was an aspirin and there were no computers in the classrooms or homes to offer unfettered access to an internet that, on one hand, offers unlimited educational information, while on the other hand, exposes our children to grave dangers.
Language and actions, more crass and filthy than anything we ever heard or seen as children, are all too common in today’s television shows and movies.
There were two sayings that guided how children were raised: “As the twig is bent, so grows the tree” and “Spare the rod and spoil the child.”
This sometimes required the twig to be bent over the knee in order to straighten it out. There has always been a fine line between where punishment leaves off and abuse begins, but today, the spanking of a child or even slapping their hands, has become grounds for criminal abuse charges against parents.
I believe that most parents were aware of and relied on God’s Ten Commandments when they set down the rules that were meant to protect us from ourselves, as well as the setting of limits on our behavior. When it came to the rules our parents set in place, “no” meant “no.”
Playing near the river or railroad tracks was forbidden. Sassing, smart mouthing or otherwise showing disrespect to our parents, teachers or other adults, misbehaving in school, lying, cheating, stealing or using foul language were strictly forbidden.
Anyone who has ever had their mouth washed out with soap for saying a bad word can relate to little Ralphy in the Christmas Story, when his mother placed the bar of soap in his mouth. But having his mouth washed out with what was made to look like a bar of Lifebouy soap — now that would have been cruel and inhumane punishment.
Compared to a spanking from dad, mother gave love taps. The first slap on your behind from mother smarted, but we learned that if we hollered “Ow,” the second slap was a love-tap. A spanking made us aware of consequences for refusing to obey the rules.
Good manners and respect went hand-in-hand. Among the first things that we were taught as children was to say “please,” “thank you,” “you’re welcome,” “excuse me” or “pardon me,” and “I’m sorry.”
A subtle way in which children were taught manners and respect was exhibited in how we were taught to address adults and people with authority.
We addressed our parents as mom and dad, uncles and aunts were addressed as Uncle John or Aunt Mary. Adult neighbors were addressed with the prefix of Mr. or Mrs. in front of their last name, such as Mr. or Mrs. Rothbauer. Close adult family friends were sometimes addressed using the prefix of grandpa, grandma, aunt or uncle
If we didn’t know an adults name we called them “sir” or “ma’am.” Police and other people with authority were addressed as “sir.”
If my Dad had heard me call a policeman a pig, his size 10 shoe would have moved my rump six inches closer to my shoulders and nobody would have accused him of abuse. It would have been recognized as an attitudinal adjustment.
We were far from angels and. like today, the schoolyard had its bullies or groups of kids who taunted those whom they believed were beneath them. We were taught that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never harm me.”
That sounds good, but anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of hateful, degrading words from his or her peers knows that it’s not true.
I remember in particular, a boy a couple of years older than I was. He was a quiet, friendly kid who came to the city from the farm. He always wore bib overalls and high-top work shoes. Come fall when he started in junior high school, some kids taunted him, calling him a “hay-seed,” “plow-jockey” and other degrading names.
I always thought that he was big enough and strong enough he could have knocked the stuffings out of his tormentors. But instead, one day after school, he used his Dad’s shotgun to take his own life.
I’m reasonably sure it never crossed his mind to take that shotgun to school, to take the lives of his tormentors, his teachers or anyone else in his way. During my childhood, most guns that were found in family homes were single shot rifles, designed for hunting game animals in order to put meat on the family table.
Perhaps it was a saving grace, that the fathers in family homes found no need to possess military assault rifles or pistols, which, by design are meant to kill many people in rapid succession.
James M. Campbell Sr. is a lifelong resident of Chippewa Falls.
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